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From Joyce Poses comes this gem:

Adult Truths

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you
die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out
of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that
you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart
my collection...again.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any
changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they
call.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses
begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you
still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from
cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them
forever.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding
their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push
the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was
used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also
important.

Keeping it Light

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Bay
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Grace Ginsberg wants you to think about these questions during your spare time:
Ponderisms

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in." But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for
eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to
put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two
hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at
things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked
anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no
decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a
hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy
dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil
made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid
when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when
you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Our good friend and neighbor Laura Fay wants us to know she's thinking of us.
How many of us lived this life?

A little house with three bedrooms, one bathroom and one car on the street with a
mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat. In the kitchen on the wall we
only had one phone, and no need for recording things, someone was always home.

We only had a living room where we would congregate, unless it was at mealtime in the
kitchen where we ate. We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine, when
meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.

We only had one TV set, and channels maybe two, but always there was one of them
with something worth the view. For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a   chip,
and if you wanted flavor there was Lipton's onion dip.

Store-bought snacks were rare because mother liked to cook, and nothing can
compare to snacks in Betty Crocker's book.

Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play. We all did things together --
even go to church to pray. When we   did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
no one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own, but we knew where the others
were without our own cell phone.

Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star, and nothing can compare to
watching movies in your car.

Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season, pack a lunch and find some
trees and never need a reason. Get a baseball game together with all the friends you
know, have real action playing ball -- and no game video.

Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend, and didn't need insurance or a
lawyer to defend? The way that he took care of you or what he had to do, because he
took an oath and strived to do the best for you.

Remember going to the store and shopping casually, and when you went to pay for it
you used your own money? Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
remember when the cashier person had to really count?

The   milkman used to go from door to door, and it was just a few cents more than going
to the store. This was the time when mailed letters came right to your door, without a lot
of junk mail ads sent out by every store. The mailman knew each house by name and
knew where it was sent; there were not loads of mail addressed to "present occupant."

There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take, and you would know
the kind of car, the model and the make. They   didn't look like turtles trying to squeeze
out every mile. They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had individual style.

One time the music that you played whenever you would jive, was from a vinyl,
big-holed record called a forty-five. The record player had a post to keep them all in line,
and the records would drop down and play one at a time.

Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today, and always we were
striving, trying for a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun, how can you explain a game,
just kick the can and run? And why would kids put baseball cards between bicycle
spokes, and for just a nickel red machines had little bottled Cokes?

Life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways. I love the new technology but I
sure do miss those days.

But time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same.    But I sure do love to
reminisce and walk down memory lane.

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we're here, we should dance.

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